The Posthuman Self in IFS Therapy: "You are More Than You Think"

I began meditating in the late 1990s, sitting cross-legged on the hard floor of a Vipassana center at the foothills of the Himalayas. That first retreat marked a turning point, not just in my inner life but in how I understood myself in relation to others and the world. At the time, I had no language for what I was discovering. Years later, as I became and anthropologist, trained as a therapist, and encountered the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model; the fragments of that experience began to evolve into an unfolding narrative, not a finished story. What I was slowly unlearning was the deep grip of modern Western masculinity, or the ideal of the self as autonomous, controlled, unaffected, and dominant over both emotion and environment.

This blog post is about weaving together those threads: my deconstruction of harmful masculine norms, my engagement with posthumanist thinkers like Rosi Braidotti and Gilles Deleuze, and my therapeutic work using Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy. It is an invitation to rethink the "Self" not as a singular agent but as a fluid, relational, and embodied system in constant interaction with the internal and external world.

The Problem with the Autonomous Man

In much of modern Western culture, personhood, and masculinity in particular, has been constructed around separation: from emotion, from others, from nature. To be a man has meant to be solid, self-contained, decisive, and untouched. These ideals are underpinned by Enlightenment humanism and Cartesian dualism, which separate mind from body, self from other, subject from world. This view is not only outdated: it is dangerous. It turns vulnerability into weakness, relational need into shame, and environmental interdependence into something to be denied. In my early work with men in various settings, from domestic violence offender groups to men with out of control sexual behavior, I encountered these patterns again and again. Men shamed for vulnerability. Men terrified of their own inner turmoil and conflict. Men who had exiled their most sensitive parts because they had once been ridiculed or punished.

Posthumanism: A New Framework for the Self

Enter posthumanism. philosopher Rosi Braidotti's work invites us to move beyond the humanist ideal of the rational, bounded individual. She proposes a vision of subjectivity as an affective assemblage of human and non-human forces: dynamic, interconnected, shaped by culture, biology, memory, and matter. This subject is not "one" but many. Not fixed, but in becoming. This mirrors what IFS posits: that we are not a singular individuals but a system of parts, each with their own histories, intentions, and burdens. At the center is not a commander but a Self marked by compassion, curiosity, and calm. This Self is not "above" or "outside" the system, but deeply within it. It is a relational presence.

The Self, in this light, resembles Gilles Deleuze's concept of the virtual not as unreal but as potential, a field of emergent possibility. The Self isn't static identity, but capacity: the ability to be with, to hold, to become.

IFS as Posthuman Therapy

IFS offers us a model of therapy that is inherently posthuman. It resists binaries. It is not mind versus body, not good parts versus bad parts. It is systemic, embodied, and relational. It treats shame, anxiety, and anger not as deficits but as expressions of parts trying to help based on past experience. In my IFS training, I resonated deeply with the practice of making space for parts. During a meditation, I noticed polarized parts, one with an urge to perform and another one wanting me to keep my mouth shut. When I simply appreciated them, they softened. This was not internal conflict resolved by suppression, but transformation through relationship.

IFS understands that each part has its own autonomic signature, a felt sense in the body, often shaped by trauma, culture, and legacy burdens handed down over generations. These burdens often come from narrow gender norms. For men, the inner critic learned from a father's voice or a mother who could not tolerate (male) vulnerability. The shut-down part who had to armor against shame. The macho protector who absorbed the energy of dominance. Healing in IFS comes not from fixing these parts, but from listening to them. Letting them tell their story. Offering a different relationship.

Ecophilosophy and Indigenous Resonances

My anthropological work, particularly in South Africa, taught me that not all cultures assume the self is singular and autonomous. Indigenous cosmologies often understand personhood as distributed across ancestors, spirits, land, and community. The body is not private but part of a larger ecology of being. Emotions are not internal states but relational currents. In this wider ecology, benevolent ancestors may offer support, and are often more gracious and forgiving than we might expect.

This view resonates with IFS. When we ask, "Would this part like to show me how it came to carry this burden? What does this part fear would happen if it let go?" we are already softening the assumption of a sealed-off self. Often, parts hold burdens out of loyalty to family stories, cultural expectations, or inherited survival strategies. In this way, we trace pain and protection not only within the individual, but across generations, geographies, and systems.

A New Way to Understand Change

So what does this mean for therapy? Change is not the conquest of willpower over emotion. It is not about becoming the ideal self. It is about allowing Self to lead, relating to all inner parts with curiosity and compassion. In that space, new ways of becoming often emerge that our inner managers could not have fathomed. It is also about recognizing that healing is never just internal. Systems change when we change how we relate: to our parts, to others, to our environments. Therapy becomes a practice of ethical becoming, where we learn to live in ways that honor interdependence and complexity.

As a therapist, this means staying in Self myself. Checking what parts of me are present. Building trust not by controlling the process but by offering presence. Asking questions, not to manipulate, but to learn and actualize the potential for compassion.

Conclusion: We Are Not Broken. We Are Becoming.

The posthuman Self is not something bounded, even though it is held in a skin-encased body. It is already here, waiting to be seen. It shows up when we are quiet enough to notice the internal child hiding under shame. It shows up when we soften toward the part that wants to numb. It shows up when we grieve not just our own pain, but the pain of others and the world. IFS, posthumanism, and relational ecophilosophies all converge on this truth: We are not isolated individuals. We are systems within systems. Healing is not about fixing what's broken. It is about remembering who we are, and who we can still become.